Dear Friends,
Why do people always say that? It’s like some terrible Hallmark saying that has gone way out of style. I don’t believe that there is one person who could make you happy, one person who can further your career and one opportunity that changes everything. I simply don’t. It is all people see because the world is so vast that you can’t fathom that other things/peoples/careers/places might make you happy because it is too difficult to bear that you haven’t encountered them yet. What is with society feeling like the decisions they make have to be 1) correct, 2) amazing, and 3) nothing could make them happier? I worry about making decisions because I know there are better, more expansive outcomes that could be, they just don’t always present themselves “in time” for people to notice. I blame this on God: women would potentially never settle if they didn’t have a ticking biological clock in their bodies. I’m beginning to think there was more to Abraham’s covenant: they were both men and they both probably thought it would be a hugely entertaining idea to make women only be able to successfully procreate for a limited period in their life, begging the obvious: women would have to settle for fear of missing out on procreation. Thanks, guys.
Why will it take one agent, one editor and one publishing house to make my book come true? It’s just about trusting the web I have accrued or am exposed to. It doesn’t mean that an agent in London wouldn’t love my book and that if I lived in the UK, it would have been published two years ago. It just means that I live America and take part in a dog eat dog society and all the people I am exposed to haven’t believed in me yet. It doesn’t just take once. Just usually, because of odds and the world being humongous, you just by chance see one outcome, but there will always be many. I guess it comes down to: do you believe in fate or not? And at this point in my life, I don’t. I’ve had enough disappointments in my life to know that when positive things do happen, it is because some things are positive and some things are negative in life. They switch off – bad and good, good and bad. It’s not because some vacant spirit in the sky singled me out to be in front of a person I should meet. If people are a reflection of God, and people are inherently selfish and evil, you really think that God or spirits, or whoever the hell created us spend that much time mapping out the stars for each individual person? I may be a writer, I may be a romantic at heart, but COME ON. Whenever someone says it’s meant to be – I gag. Is this something you get when you are walking down the alter? Everything slows down and you only see the series of events that led you to that person that you expect to keep you happy your whole entire life (well half because at the rate my generation gets married – it ain’t gonna be your whole life in matrimony). It will be at best, 50-60 years, spending 30 years alone, when you were left to contemplate life and not believe in fate. People get married because the odds are, one day, you don’t wish to be alone anymore and are over binge drinking and recreational drug use so, the next person you have good sex with and share consecutive laughs with, seems like the person who could scratch that 50 year ish itch.
Maybe I am just cranky because it’s Friday, the 13th. Who knows. All I know is, more people agree with this philosophy than they would like to admit. But I guess what does it matter? What will be will be – there will always be the argument of whether it’s planned or not. I just feel like it’s not – because if there were a job planning out people’s futures, that somebody would be a C-level executive making a hell of a lot more money than what God takes home every year.
Kisses,
Jessica
