Dear Friends,
I just saw my favorite movie of the year last night – 50/50. It’s a comedy about cancer, and the reason why it works despite the morbid undertones is that the screenwriter based it off of his life. He experienced a cancer scare, and learned to be stronger because of it. He managed to depict a flawless range of emotions one would feel, and how they would all play out in a daily routine – you must eat, you must sleep and you must try to have relationships with people.
My favorite part about the movie was that the main character became emotionally stronger as he was growing physically weaker. During his time with cancer, he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him – and he was reliant on her for rides to the hospital for chemotherapy – and he still kicked her the ground and told her to F off when she came back. It was amazing that he did not fall to weaknesses when he was so alone and potentially near death. We should all be so strong. He would have rather suffered alone than suffered lying in bed with the wrong person each night. All bodies can radiate warmth but what matters is what is inside – even when push comes to shove – or when life nears death.
It got me thinking about so much in my life – not just my own issues with my health given that my mom developed cancer at such a young age. It got me thinking about how I need a person who is strong, considerate and devoted. My friend told me she was filling out an online dating profile and they asked a question, “What is the most important ingredient to a relationship – passion or dedication.” I told her maybe two years ago, or six months ago even, I would have picked passion. And now, I would only pick dedication. What is the point of a passion-filled relationship between the sheets if there’s no dedication between your hearts? Then I realized online dating is probably not for me.
I guess I’m finally admitting this and I don’t care who sees it: I am ready. I am ready for take-off: I’m in the cockpit, I’m flying the plane and I will only land for someone really genuine and real. I don’t have time for anything else otherwise. During my last break-up a few weeks ago, I asked the guy what he would have wanted from me in the future in a perfect world. We had carried on a VERY casual relationship for a couple of months and I was bored out of my mind. I had passion with him, but no dedication and no momentum. I need momentum – passion without momentum is boring. He told me he wanted to keep seeing me, but could it be “more casual.” I barely like casual attire, why would I be interested in a casual relationship? Nothing about my life is casual. I didn’t casually write a book, I didn’t casually move across the country, I don’t casually work at my job. Then, I came to the conclusion that I can have all my wants/needs figured out, but that doesn’t mean the person I’m dating does. It’s always a 50/50 chance but the lesson here is to get out when you know it’s 50/50 – even if you have cancer, even if you are dedicated, and especially when you have passion.
A recipe with one ingredient would always fail – so why do so many people allow themselves to be apart of things that are single-dimensionally 50/50?
Kisses,
Jessica
