Dear Friends,
The only thing that can be sometimes nerve-racking about being me is when things are actually going well and I’m suddenly concerned that somebody might be reading this blog and understand exactly what or who I’m referring to. I guess that’s the price I pay for being an aspiring author. I chose to be honest with the world and share my non-fiction life in a fiction-like way. Usually I complain to you, but today I’m not. Today the only thing I have to complain about are the huge, huge NYC bug bites on my leg.
Something happened to me this week that hasn’t happened to me in quite some time. I don’t know what it all means yet because it seems too good to be true, but one thing I do know is: I’m happy. Not that I’m not usually happy, but happy about something that’s happening to me, not something I’ve chosen to create. When I moved to New York, I was so fearful, but now I’m fearless. I was so afraid that everything I wanted would never come true and leaving my nephews would be a disaster. I was so afraid that no one would read my book, and I would be screwed over by shady agents and things would be disappointing. And some of that was true. More than 50 percent of me wondered if I had just made a huge mistake. I came here to get everything: to get The Butterfly Groove published, to find a new social scene, to live in a city that stays alive and if I was lucky, I might find a man who complemented all of that. The jury is still out on that. I mean when do you ever know if something is bigger than you? You can’t know when it’s happening. You just live life to the fullest and see what happens in the end. And then maybe in the middle, you say to yourself, I knew it from the start. But did you?
I lightened my hair yesterday and it looks super cool and trendy, but I just keep staring at these bug bites. But hey, who knows. They could be love bites. Either way, this Apple is turning up the heat.
Kisses,
Jessica
